Confession: Some days are just “mess-up-not-good-enough-sin-over-and-over-again” days.
Of course, every day is that in reality, but some just feel more that way.
John has been out of town so I’ve been more (the operative word being “more”) careful about locking up. The other night after resting secure, I was ready to leave for the day, opened the door, and discovered this:
Yep, not the brightest bulb.
I can laugh this off, but there are other times… There’s the sick feeling I get when I say something insensitive, or neglect to say something, or compare myself to someone else who HAS said, or done just the right Jesusy thing. The times when pride or selfishness or bitterness seem to win the day and I’m so ashamed.
I think I want to hide, but I realize I really want something else.
This is a note I framed that Katy wrote when she was about 4 or 5 years old.
In case you can’t decipher it it says,
“Do not come in! P.S. I will be under the covers.”
In other words, I’m hiding, but I really want to be found. I want you to love me and find me no matter what. I want it to make a difference to you that I’m here.
Isn’t there a part of all of us that feels that way? A desire to be known. Found. Accepted no matter how badly we’ve messed up. No matter how “not good enough” we feel.
I’ve been thinking lately that I should hang two more things underneath this note.
One would be a picture of the Samaritan woman at the well. The woman trying to hide in plain sight, going to the well in the middle of the day so she wouldn’t be shamed by critics.
It struck me recently when I was teaching on this passage… What is it that she runs back and tells everyone after her encounter with Jesus? What impacted her the most? “Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out.” (John 4:29 MSG). He saw her and He still accepted her. She mattered to Jesus.
The second would be Psalm 139 written large…
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”
Just a reminder. In case you’re feeling like you’re under the covers and no one knows, you’re wrong. He knows. He sees. He cares. No matter how “not good enough” we are.
Who in your life is feeling invisible that needs to be reminded that you (and God) see them and still love them even if they’ve messed up?